You finally found a company that REALLY had interest in you. And the job actually was in your wheelhouse and financially rewarding. They interviewed you on Zoom, and then had you come into the office to meet EVERYONE.

And then, BOOM. They offered the job to someone else.

Let’s assume the best. A representative from the company ACTUALLY calls you to give you the bad news. What is the best approach?

There is a natural tendency to ask why you didn’t get the job. DON’T DO IT!

It has been my experience that employers often don’t really have a rational explanation as to why they hired the person they chose. This being the case, they certainly don’t have a rational explanation as to why they didn’t hire you. (This is, of course, after all those weeks they danced you around.)

What exactly do you think they are going to be able to tell you? Let’s be honest here. What can they tell you that won’t get them sued? In the alternate, what can they tell you that won’t set them up for an argument with you?

Their approach, even if they don’t know they are using it is what I call “the excuse you can’t cure.” Whatever explanation they give you, for all that it’s worth, you can substitute phrases like you were too short or too tall or didn’t wear matching socks. Friends, after the word no, everything that follows has limited or no value to you with respect to your future actions. So, again, don’t ask.

The question you have to ask yourself is whether there is anything left to negotiate. Well, there is.

We are all familiar with the concept of being gracious in defeat. This is the time to be that person. As you may know, I have a search practice and have for over 20 years. Whenever a client of mine tells me they hired a candidate not from me, I don’t mention how stupid they are. (All my candidates are from The FENG, and obviously are the most well qualified people on the planet.) Instead, I immediately thank them for the opportunity to submit candidates. And I add that if they have any future needs across their portfolio companies, I hope they will keep me in mind. (Most of my clients are Private Equity Groups.)

On your side, when told the answer is no, immediately thank them for the opportunity to interview with their firm. Tell them how much you enjoyed meeting their key leadership team. Tell them you thought their business model made perfect sense. However, don’t be effusive. Be sincere. Write notes to everyone you met thanking them for their time. Don’t in any way suggest they made a mistake in not hiring you.

So, what’s left? Well, for one thing, you are now in a position to ask for referrals. Keep in mind, they met you and liked you. Is there anyone they know who will understand your background that they would be willing to introduce you to? Doing you this kind of favor is an easy way for them to ease their guilt for wasting your time.

As it has been said, it’s not a good thing to kick a man when he’s down, but name a better time?

They’re vulnerable. You’ve got where you want them. Take advantage of the situation.

But here’s the kicker. The person to whom they foolishly offered the job instead of you may not show up for work, may fail miserably in the first few months or any number of other things. And guess what? Since you didn’t make them feel bad about not offering you the job, they may actually call you. Yes, it happens all the time.

Take the high road. Be the kind of person they only wish they had hired. There’s no downside.

Regards, Matt